is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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