your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
