is your mom at the bar?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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