Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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