I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
