im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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