Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
