i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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