I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
