you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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