everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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