Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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