Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
