it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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