I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He has the fingertips of a God
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