if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
