Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
