I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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