so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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