Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
