So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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