the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
