why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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