i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
