I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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