problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize