I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
