Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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