I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
