He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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