I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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