You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
