I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
