hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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