if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize