"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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