she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
