just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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