don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
