I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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