Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
