Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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