mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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