toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
