i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
