the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
