I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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