Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
