I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
