shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
