I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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