Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
