Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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