Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
