Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
