Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
