I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
