just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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