he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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