you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
