I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
