My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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