one two three fourrrrnication!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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