I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Pants are for mortals
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize