I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
