i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we're making bets on your personal life
She even gives head with a lisp.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
