but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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