Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
